How do I even put a title to this? Chase month 3

On January 15, 2011, Chase lost the best woman in his life, his grandmother. I am at a loss for words regarding this whole situation. She should have been cured and home by now. I know in my heart that she is now watching over Chase from heaven, she is his guardian angel. I thank God that I "accidentally" got pregnant, that she got to meet her grandchild. She was so wonderful with him and he was already more spoiled than you can imagine. I could not have gone through being pregnant and delivery without her either. And I know feeling the way I do, I would have made the choice not to have children knowing the pain I am feeling from loosing a parent. Is that selfish? Probably but that is how I felt as I was sitting by my mom's side, I can't help that. But now I hope to have more children so that if tragedy struck again, he would have the support from his family.

Day he was born


Chase's final moments with Gramma:

I was advised all week not to bring him up to the hospital, who knows exactly why, but whatever. I sent pictures and video to her everyday. On that Thursday morning minutes before she lost consciousness, she got to see him for the last time. I probably wouldn't have brougt him but Randy was not home. When we walked into her room, she was so happy to see him. "oh sweetheart, hi, Gramma can't hold you right now" as I sat him next to her. He grinned from ear to ear as soon as he saw her and kept smiling until the unfortunate moments ahead took over. I know in my heart that she fell asleep with pure happiness in her heart. Managing to get out as well " I love you Beck" before she started to become incoherent.

And you all know how the rest unfolded.

Her support group of family and friends, amazing. The prayers that were going out around the world AMAZING! I hope to have Chase grow up knowing how much his Gramma loved him through the love I can give, even though I know it won't compare to what she could have showed directly.




Well, here is a little about Chase's 3rd month of life:

- He had to visit a cardiologist, there was a little bit of a scare because of how he breathes so heavy. His doctor wanted to rule out any heart problems. He was such a angel at the appointment. Such a little wiggle worm as they were doing the ultrasound and echo of his heart. And praise God all was good! The next step is to see and ENT doctor to rule out any narrowed air passages being the cause of the heavy breathing. He was a WHOPPING 14lb 6oz that day, 11 weeks old.

- Mom has been back to work and dad has been doing great being home with him. I know though he is going to get him hooked to sports too soon!

- Chase got to spend the weekend house/pet sitting with me over new years. It went better than I thought. We didn't make it at the new years party we were at but he decided to stay up with me til see the ball drop :)

- Christmas was wonderful, very low key but perfect. Xmas eve was at my moms and xmas at my dads. The only gift I care about was the recordable book that Gramma got him, so he will be able to hear her read to him for as long as it lasts.

- HE SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT! 3 nights in a row. He knew momma needed to try to get some sleep with everything going on.

My little boy is no longer a newborn, he is a little baby and I can't believe how big he is getting.
I am going to try cloth diapers so I will let you know how that goes. We are working on rolling and his hand/eye coordination gets better everyday. He is starting to laugh a little more but says ah-goo and says a wet sounding k :) He is discovering his voice and I love hearing his little sounds talking to me.


Gramma was going to go with us for his 3 month pictures...I know she will still be there in spirit.




trying out his big boy chair


11 weeks, 3 days